Tumblr. Do it.

Let's face it.  Blogger is so 2008.  All my posts (past, present and future) are here:

http://jamiewroteit.tumblr.com/

Fig Newtons are classy! (And other childhood misconceptions.)

When you were a kid, did you think Fig Newtons were the classiest thing ever?  I did.  I thought they were like fancy, expensive pillows of fruity privilege.  My friend Cathy thought the same thing.  She said, and I quote, "I ate those like a prissy rich bitch." Which, apparently meant taking lots of small bites.  Why did we think this?  I thought perhaps it was some brilliant marketing ploy by Nabisco, but after a quick YouTube search I found no evidence of one.  But it got me thinking, what other misconceptions did little Jamie have?

1. I thought only rich people could be Republicans.

I remember wondering why my aunt said she was Republican.  She lived in a small house and had 3 kids, and I was pretty sure she wasn't rich.  

2. I thought Santa Clause left the wrapping paper he used to wrap presents.

Obviously, years later, I realized that my mother was just wrapping presents from "Santa" in different paper than the rest of our presents, then leaving the half-used roll under the tree next to our pile of gifts.  I'm starting to wonder if she just left the roll out by accident one year and when I asked about it, she made up this shit about Santa leaving the paper behind...

3. Boys are smelly and gross.

Nope, that's actually true.  How do I know?  Live with a guy, then give him his own bathroom.  

4. NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK!! OHMIGOD I LOVE YOU JOEY!!!!
Thankfully my taste in music has evolved since I was screaming at the top of my lungs from the lawn seats at Sandstone Amphitheater.  I wonder whatever happened to my Joey doll and Donnie t-shirt...

5. Staying up late is fun!
Oh how I remember the days when I forced my eyelids to stay open for just one more Nick-At-Nite show, but I usually gave up when Alfred Hitchcock Presents started.  That show creeped me out.  Now I start my nightly get-ready-for-bed routine around 8:30 so I can be in bed by 9:00.  Which, ironically is only 30 minutes later than my childhood bedtime.  Ah, the circle of life.


Another misconception I had was that I'd actually remember shit, so...that's all I remember.  What about you?

Camper and Sierra go to Lake Tahoe!

Hope Valley, near South Lake Tahoe, CA

We recently went on a weekend getaway to Lake Tahoe with our two doggies, Camper and Sierra.  It was a beautiful winter wonderland with nearly 6 ft. of snow on the ground and a warm sun in the sky.  The pups were overjoyed with frolicking in the snow for the first time ever!  I finally had a chance to sit down with them and talk about the trip:

Jamie: So, Camper, how did you enjoy your first time in the snow?  

Camper: Whatz sno?

Jamie: Oh, um, it’s the cold white stuff you walked on.  When you got thirsty you licked it, remember?

Camper: O yeh, I reemembers.  Uh, it wuz fun!  I liked runnin in it.  And then I liked layin in it.  And then I liked licken it.

Camper prepares for his interview.

Jamie: Great! I knew you would.  You know, you’re a husky and huskies are made to withstand really cold temperatures.  But this was the first time you’d ever been anywhere really cold, wasn’t it?

Camper: Kan I lick youz face?

Jamie: What?

Camper: I wanna lick youz face.  Kan I?

Jamie: No.  We’re not licking faces right now.  Back to the snow...remember when we went to hang out with all the other huskies and you helped them pull the sleds around in the snow?  Was that fun?

Camper: Ya, dat wuz purty fun.  But I no like bein tied to stuffs, I just wants to run!

Sierra: That wasn’t fun.  That was animal cruelty.

Jamie: Sierra, you didn’t like dog sledding?

Sierra: No.

Jamie:  But you guys got to pull sleds with professional sled dogs!  Some of them still compete in the Iditarod.  Don’t you guys know what that is?  Don’t they cover that in your doggie newsletters?  It’s a big deal!

Sierra: When you said we were going dog sledding, I assumed the dogs would be riding in the sled, not pulling it.

Camper: Watz a ididerdod?

No idea what they're in for.

Jamie: It’s a famous dog sledding race held every year in Alaska.  Remember when you got to lead the team and ran next to the pretty white husky, Olive?  She used to race in it every year.

Camper: Yeh, she was purty. But teh doggies wuz loud! Barkin and jumpin and they goes fast!!

Sierra: They were offensive and loud.

Jamie: I know Sierra, you didn’t like dog sledding. Did you enjoy any other part of the trip?

Sierra: Well, lets see, you tied me to a pack of loud, rowdy, furry mongrels against my will, made me run around in a giant circle while tied to said mongrels, I was forced to lay on the cold ground with no blanket or tent to protect me from the elements...

Jamie: It was 45 degrees out, and all the dogs were laying on the ground.  Not just you.

Sierra: Don’t get lippy.  I also had to sleep in the truck with this hairy nincanpoop while you and the other humans were living it up in a hotel.

Jamie: You got to sleep on a giant fuzzy blanket in an extended cab truck that’s about 10 times the size of your kennel and it was plenty warm in there.

Sierra: Don’t get me started on the size of my kennel. 

Jamie: YOU’RE A DOG!

Camper: Kan I licks yo face now?  

Jamie: O.k. Let’s get back on track here.  Sierra, did you like hiking in the snow?  

Sierra: I liked it when Camper fell through the snow drift.

Jamie: Uh...yeah, that was a little funny.

Sierra: I saw you laugh at him when it happened.

Jamie: I saw you laugh at him too.

Camper: Woof! At leest I dint havs to wear a coat, Sierra!

Sierra: It was cold!  I have short hair!  

Camper: hehehehe...youz a weenie.

Sooo sleepy.  Must. Rest. Head.

Sierra: I don’t have to stand for this, I’m leaving.

Jamie: Okay, well, I guess the interview is over.  Seems a good time was almost had by all.  I know I had fun hiking and throwing snow balls at the dogs...

Sierra yells from the other room: That wasn’t o.k.!!  You could put an eye out with those things!

Jamie: ...and hopefully we’ll get to take another trip soon.  

Camper: Nowz I lick yer face?

Jamie: Fine.  Wait, didn’t you eat your own poop today?

Shoe Sale!

Dan's been complaining that I haven't written a new blog.  He also complains that I have too many shoes.  So I'm giving away a bunch of shoes on my blog in hopes he'll stop complaining about both things.  I told him this idea and he said, "You mean you're gonna write a blog to Jess telling her she can have your shoes?"  Yeah, basically.  And that brings us to the first pair.

Purple and teal plaid, open toe, Baker's Shoes, Size 8

Jess Egan has attempted to steal these shoes from my closet on more than one occasion.  She gets first dibs.  And only if she passes on them will they become fair game to the general Blogger public.  You know you all want them.  I can see you gasping through the screen now.

Steve Madden, Black leather, Size 8

Only worn once.  While going through my closet, I put these on to show Dan.  I paraded out into the living room and said, "What do you think?  Keep or give away?"  He said, "Those look like [an invitation to engage in adult activity] heels."  I definitely don't need to send that vibe out, but if you want to send that vibe out I'm not here to judge, I'm just here to give you the shoes.

Purple, open toe flats, Old Navy, Size 8

So I bought these at Old Navy.  I guess for the same reason you buy anything at Old Navy, they're cute and cheap.  Then I never wore them, as, again, is the case with most things I buy at Old Navy. So now they can be yours for the low low price of not-a-damn thing.

Brown Cowboy Boots, Cathy Jean, Size 8

Cowboy boots...what can I say?  I bought them for a Halloween Costume.  Yeah, cowgirl.  Then I lent them out twice to someone who needed them for a cowgirl costume.  You can feel free to use them for whatever you want, no cowgirl outfit required.

Tan Mary Janes, Nine West, Size 8

Ok, yes, these are a little boring.  But if you're forced to dress up for work like I used to be, these are your best friend.  They're closed-toe so they adhere to any pesky shoe rules your office might have, plus they're low, easy-to-walk-in (or run, depending on your situation) dress shoes.  Slightly more worn than the rest, but still in good condition.

Grey Suede Bootie Flats, Steve Madden, Size 8

I thought these were super cute and seemed to be all the bootie/flats rage.  Then I got them home and remembered I'm 5'3" when I jump in the air so I probably don't need boots that emphasize shortness.

Shiny Mustard Yellow, Chinese Laundry, Size 8

These are totally, 100% comfortable.  Like pillows on your feet.  That's why I've chosen to get rid of them.  Trust me.  Anyway, they're an excellent shoe if you need a POP of color.

Purple & Black plaid, Steve Madden, Size 8, run small

Caption says it all.  They were cute.  They were on sale.  I brought them home.  I wore them once.  They hurt my toes.  Now they collect dust.  I'll clean the dust off if you want them.

BCBG, Size 8, Multi-Colored Wedges

So hip, so modern, so not made for walking long distances.  If your main job in life is to stand still and look pretty, these are your shoes.  They're worth the sacrifice.  I think I'll miss these most of all...

Grey, Keds, Size 8

And last but not least, these comfy kicks.  Worn once, then sat in my closet until I realized no person in their right mind needed 3 pair of grey sneakers.  These can easily be funked up with colorful shoelaces, which was my original plan when I bought them, but now I'm too tired for funk.

Seriously, if you want any of these shoes, just comment below or message me.  If I like you, or if you live in the San Francisco Bay Area, they're yours free of charge.  If I don't like you, you have to pay shipping.  I'm not a shoe bank, ya know.  So why am I giving away so many pretty shoes?  Because Goddammit, my feet hurt and my closet is small.