At least I'll get unemployment.

Things I've said in front of the new HR Rep at work before I knew she was HR and I totally thought she worked in accounting:

1. "Fuck"

2. "What the fuck?"

3. "You piece of shit avatars!  I hate you virtual fucks!"

4. "Why the hell is there so much talking!?"

5. Susan to Jamie: "I don't want to talk to you anymore." Jamie to Susan: "And I don't want to hear you talking to me anymore."

6. Susan to the office: "What would be good for a Halloween lunch?" Jamie to Susan: "Not coming to work."

7. "I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS ANYMORE!!"

8. "Gaaaaaaaaaaaaay...1st!"  (In imitation of a Facebook comment)

9.  "What the fuck, dude?"

10. "Who does this hoe think she is?!"

11. "Yer breakin' my balls, dude."

12. "Eff this shit, yo! Let's drink!"

And lucky number 13...

"Just don't name it 'Furry Patrol.'"

Too tired for titles.

Does anyone remember about a month ago when I was sitting around all day long only leaving the house to walk the dog or visit the neighbors?  I do.  And I also remember thinking, “One day soon I’m going to wish I had this much free time to lounge around.”  But at the time I didn’t care because all that free time was making me INSANE.  Literally.  Just ask Dan.

Well, that day where I wish to have that free time again is here.  It is here and it is a bitch.  Don’t get me wrong, I love having projects, and being productive, and I always push myself to do more. But I've found my threshold. In the past seven days I…

Went with Dan and our pups on an overnight camping trip to Mount Umunhum near Los Gatos, CA.  We went with B.A.S.H., otherwise known as the Bay Area Siberian Husky Club.  We met all kinds of great new peeps and pups, watched the doggies pull stuff around for fun and slept in the back of the truck.  See my Facebook album for more on that.

Had my first product launch at work.  We successfully launched Katy Perry Revenge this week, a music gaming iPhone/iPod app with all Katy Perry music and graphics.  It’s very pink and bubbly.  On the upside we managed to keep the release of the game under wraps (sort-of) and we didn’t break anything such as servers, the game, our computers or each other.  On the downside I’ve been randomly bursting out into Katy Perry songs and Dan doesn’t seem to be much of a fan.

Met with Whitney Nichole, a Bay Area singer/songwriter who has just recorded her first full-length album and will be releasing it in a few months.  Through one of my previous instructors, Whitney contacted me for assistance in getting word out to the people about her new album.  How flattering!  Let’s hope I don’t screw it up.  She’s a super cool chick with a great sound who put Ludacris to shame when she and her sister recently covered the tune “Break Your Heart” during a live show at the Hotel Utah in San Fran.  Keep an eye on her; this could get epic…

Finished the week out at the Eat Real Festival at Jack London Square in Downtown Oakland.  It was a festival of food.  Literally.  There were food trucks and tents from local eateries, breweries, wineries and ice creameries all over the Bay Area.  We went with our friends/neighbors Elliot and Teresa.  I ate a burrito the size of my head that was so delicious I wanted to marry it and drank beer from a mason jar.  On the way home Elliot forced us into the Ben & Jerry's where Dan had a tender moment with a scoop of Peanut Butter Cookie Dough ice cream and I had a strawberry ice cream cone which was, again, as big as my head.  I'm now entering a food coma.  My kind of festival.  

Generally speaking this is where I’d leave you with some funny/witty/sum-it-all-up words of wisdom.  But since I didn’t bother writing a title, why bother writing a conclusion.  The end.

Stay quiet, stay quiet, stay quiet...BLAH!

This past week was my first full week of work in, uh, a while.  And basically it would be really great if one: I actually liked my job and two: I was at least remotely successful and didn't completely screw things up.  The first one - done.  The place has great energy and everyone is super nice and loads of fun.  I mean, these people make games for a living, it has to be awesome, right?  I walked in day one, they handed me a brand new MacBook Pro laptop and instructed me to think up some fun ideas for new games, and play a bunch of existing games online and on my iPhone as research.  Anybody wanna play a little game called "I Win"? Because I win at accomplishing number one: emjoying my job.

So I hypothesized that the best way to accomplish the second task would be to keep my head down, work hard and STAY SILENT.  Easy...yeah right.  If you read this, you know me and also know I can usually stay silent for about 2.6 seconds before blurting out whatever goofy, inappropriate thought is in my head.  I think I managed to keep a professional facade going at work for about a day and a half until I met my downfall: the power cord.  I kept getting tangled in the power cord of my wonderful, shiny new laptop every time I got up out of my seat.  Thankfully, Apple designed the power cord for the MacBook with a magnet on the end that pulls out of the laptop when the cord is pulled on.  So, ideally, when I get tangled up in the cord on the way out of my seat, it would pull out of the laptop and everything, including me, stays in one piece.  Ideally.

But in at least one, particularly heinous altercation, I got up out of my seat and became instantly entangled in my power cord.  One foot in the air, hands full with notebook and coffee, I tried to pull my leg free unsuccessfully.  Perched on one foot, waving the other one around, I tried to break loose for almost a full 30 seconds before I blurted out "I'm gonna break my damn neck!  Stupid friggin' power cord.  Magnetic release my ass!"

I don't think I realized I'd said anything out loud until at least 2-3 people erupted into laughter at my exclamation.  I guess this means the plan to keep my head down and stay quiet is out, but at least it seems everyone is good humored enough to not hold my, um, we'll call it "bluntness" against me:)  We shall see...

Apartment Fever

As you probably know, I finally received a job offer from a company I’ve been interviewing with since May.  However, that was two weeks ago and I have yet to actually start working thanks to the longest background check known to mankind.  I think they were tracing my history all the way back to when my ancestors emigrated from Europe.  The wait to begin has been brutal…I feel like a starving person watching a dangling smorgasbord, and so does my bank account.  Speaking of smorgasbords, with my abundance of spare time I’ve been cooking and baking up a storm, and then eating up a storm.   So far today, for no other reason than shear boredom, I’ve eaten Captain Crunch, two huge brownies, salami, cheese, pickles and three cups of coffee.  Ew, I kinda want to barf from just writing that combination of food. 

The obvious solution is to go out and explore our new city and surroundings.  Which is a great idea – in theory.  But finances allow me to explore only what is within walking distance from our apartment, and you can’t really “explore” shops and restaurants with no money.  Well, I suppose you could, but it’s just not very much fun.  So I mostly just explore sidewalks while gazing longingly at people sipping drinks, chatting over hors d’oeuvres and proudly carrying around their full shopping bags.  It’s enough to drive a girl right over the friggin’ edge!

BUT NO MORE – AAAAAHHHHH!!!  After seven interviews with five different people, the company being bought out in the middle of my interview process, filling out two rounds of applications, a two-week long background check and a lost social security card I’M FINALLY GOING TO WORK!!!!

Now, who wants to bet all of my blog posts from now on will be filled with ranting about work ;-)