Things I've Learned Since Dan's Been Gone

Dan is gone to Kentucky for two weeks and we're currently at the half-way mark of his absence.  At this time it's unsure if I'll manage to survive the remaining half.  But if I do, I'm promised a t-shirt that reads "I ♥ KY."  Here's what I've learned in the week so far:

1. Street sweeping is a sham.  It says you can't park on our street from 3 am - 6 am on Tuesday and Thursday mornings.  I walked the dogs from 6:15 - 6:25 am on Tuesday morning and watched the street sweeper sweep the adjacent street, and approach the intersection to our street, only to turn the other way leaving piles of dirt, leaves and garbage and up and down the empty street.  Jackass.  I coulda parked there you know!

2.  These dogs are trying to kill me.  How do I know this?  Because of their poop.

  2a. Sierra has decided the park accross the street from our apartment is her park.  She doesn't understand why stranger dogs would be walking in her park.  Ever.  So when they do, she not-so-politely instructs them to get the f*ck out while pulling my arm out of the socket.  Sometimes she waits until I'm bent over, picking up her poo, then lunges for the other dog.  This results in poo flying in multiple directions.

  2b. Camper has explosive diarrhea.  Lets move on...

3. I much prefer walking/taking the train to driving.  You never have to parallel park a train.  Though parallel parking Dan's truck feels like I'm trying to parallel park a train.  On the upside, I'm sure I've given people in the neighborhood plenty of parking enduced entertainment.

4. Was I supposed to eat this week?  Dammit.

5. We are EXTREMELY lucky to have such wonderful neighbors and friends.  So far this week Teresa has walked the dogs each afternoon, cleaned up explosive diarrhea, rescued my palm tree from certain disaster, and fed Camper his special tummy diet.  After all that, she deserves a day at the spa.  I'll probably just give her some baked goods.

"What plant?" Photo courtesy of Teresa Goodwin.

6.  I don't like Dan being gone.

This seems expensive for a camp sight.

Day 18 of living out of the same suitcase with no furniture or household items to speak of.  How did it come to this?  I’m so glad you asked.  Here’s some fun with calendars to get you up-to-date.

Tuesday, June 8^th – Movers pick up all of our belongings.  We are left with a spare mattress, a television, 2 bowls, 2 spoons, 2 forks, a dog and one suitcase each.

Saturday, June 12^th – We sell the spare mattress and head west.

Sunday, June 20^th – Pull up to new apartment, unload television, bowls, spoons, forks, dog, suitcases and are reduced to sleeping/eating/sitting on an air mattress until the movers show up with our stuff.

Monday, June 21^st – Dan places 647 calls to the moving company where it is apparently a national holiday because no one is working or answering the phone.

Tuesday, June 22^nd – A representative from the moving company calls to inform us they are unaware their contract reads “Must deliver household goods no later than 5 pm on Friday, June 25^th”, but they MIGHT be able to deliver our stuff by Friday, July 2^nd.

Friday, June 25^th – Dan professes his dire hatred for the air mattress and opts to sit in the dog bed on the floor instead.  The contract deadline for delivery silently passes by.

Saturday, June 26^th – A different representative from the moving company calls in the early morning hours to confirm our phone number and new address (in case it has changed in the last 4 days) but knows nothing of when our belongings will arrive. 

Sunday, June 27^th - I hunt down every person responsible for moving our stuff, kidnap them, hold them captive in the back of a truck for approximately one month with nothing but a television, 2 bowls, 2 spoons, 2 forks and an air mattress and see how they like it.

Monday, June 28^th – I go to jail.  But at least I have a cot to sit on.  

"How 'bout 50 cents?"...How about you beat it?

Know what a cross-country move from a two-bedroom house with a garage to a loft with a parking space forces you to do?  Sell all your stuff.  Which is exactly what we tried to do this weekend.  We spent the entire week combing through closets trying to decide which of our beloved belongings to part with.  Some were much easier to part with than others.  For instance, the Singer sewing machine I’ve been lugging from house to house for the last three years only to use it twice: easy to sell.  However, that pretty lamp I pined for at Target for months before being able to buy it: difficult to sell.  I was sure all my pangs of sentiment would go flying right out the window once some stranger laid cold hard cash in my hand.  But strangers are strangely reluctant to lay cold hard cash in your hand for your hand-me-downs.  Especially when 80% of your customers are over 80 years old.  Those old farts don’t need anything!!  They just shop garage sales for something to do and for the fun of haggling.  They walk away happy as can be after paying fifty cents for something you paid five dollars for two months ago.  Oy.  And as if haggling with geriatrics for the entire morning wasn’t bad enough, it was about 95 degrees outside with one billion percent humidity.  That’s totally accurate, I saw it on the weather channel.  Thankfully Dan’s Uncle Bob and Aunt Debbie were here to keep us company and help us bitch about the heat. 

After two days we sold almost everything and what was leftover we took to Goodwill.  Or rather, Dan sold it and took it to Goodwill.  Standing in the heat for long periods of time could cause me to totally lose my mind, so I had to take a few breaks and sit in the house.  Just a few...

As the weekend closes our closets have become empty, our pockets a little more full, but our laundry room still has a washer and dryer in it that we’re trying to sell.  Anyone interested???